Every time I hear, read or discuss about New Year Resolution, the same question burns my mind:
“How is it possible an external time point to activate an internal mental process, all of a sudden?
Unless it is just a wish“
1. The wish
All around the world, the beginning of a new year is considered as a chance for a new start, new success stories.
Social media are overflown with likes and shares of quotes, wishes, references, suggestions, even…mandates for change.
On TV, glamorous shows are dedicated to «new year resolutions», simply to be «cancelled» in a short while, as we watch the world news with their painful impact, and are reminded of the changes we did not manage for many years in our lives.
Seems like all these happen to maintain within us the elements of enthousiasm and joy along with the agony and fear, raising in this way ultimately,the stress for our lives and our future.
On a personal level, each new year brings along wishes, hopes and promises to ourselves : «I will do things differently», «I will make it!», «I will take the decision», «I will make the right choice», «I will give a meaning to my life», «I will define in a better way my relationships», «I will increase my influence and manage to get the promotion I deserve».
With such thoughts in our minds and souls, New Year’s Eves find us dreaming for a better, more effective, «upgraded» edition of our selves and our lives. And the new year comes along!
You must have noticed though…
…this “external” new year (a time landmark, in other words, defined externally by the calendar change of year), is often a condition to think over new things, to dream, to make promises, but not necessarily to succeed in achieving the internal signification that leads our intention to a result and our wish to a reality.
Thus, despite the wishes and the hopes, a new year is rarely proved –in action – to be the beginning of new resolutions…
Why that? Why are we finally not successful, give up or never start anyway ?
2. The possibility
The reply I can give has two parts :
- Because even if the year is new, we remain, however, «old»! The «old» has a magic way of repeating «old» things even when found in front of new beginnings.
- Because we do not believe it! Τhe feeling of defeat stored inside of us (self view) following unsuccessful similar trials in the past, develops a negative assessment for our capability to make the change happen (self efficacy) and lowers progressively our self esteem. In other words, every time we postpone or fail, our next effort begins from a lower – more difficult starting point.
If despite our effort, the personal meaning
of life has not thrived inside of us yet, it either needs to be cultivated with the help of another person (professional coach or counselor), or to be given more time.
Alas! Stop promising ourselves or the others, that we will implement a change that is not ripe enough (within us), because of new year, or because of the exercised pressure from our manager, or life partner.
This is behaviorally immature, simply because it is… mentally immature.
This time, I will do it…differently !
What must be done to achieve new things in reality and avoid simply talking about them once more ?
To make the turn and get over with what has proven not to «work» properly, 5 stages must be completed successively:
- See in me something more from what I see already. To find the «new within me. In other words, to explore aspects of myself that are unknown, untraceable, completely inactive or occasionally active.
- Re-write part of my personal truth. To view the «old» from a different perspective, as itoften hides important «new»! To discover the «new» that is not a replica of the «old».
- Increase first my own level of understanding for the world and myself,my level of consciousness and then to decide where I want to go.
- Choose α) what I will learn and what I will unlearn & β) what I will start and what I will stop on the way to my destination.
- Decide if this time I will try again alone, or if the moment has come to trust a personal counselor to support me in reaching my target faster, safer and in a more intensive mode.
Τhe above stages create the prerequisites of a starting point that has every possibility to become feasible, since it derives from within us and not from the outside world like the new year change, a promotion, a company change, a marriage, etc. It is a change, that «we» give meaning to it and which offers us back its benefits in a continuous positive circle.
As such, progressively we learn :
- that hoping and dreaming are necessary, but do not guarantee change and success,
- that we can achieve whichever target if we know its meaning (sense & value) and the navigation rules to follow,
- to find when it is our – unique -moment for a new beginning,
- to distinguish when it is “us” that talk and when “others” talk via us.
